Seeing It Well Done

Mary Ann Gail
1941-2020
“Seeing it well done!”

When this request showed up in my See Katie Run 2 End ALS T-shirt fundraiser, I knew it was going to be a special one.  I was aware that my friend’s mom had recently passed and the message in quotes immediately grabbed my attention. 

I was intrigued.  There was obviously something special behind these words that was very meaningful to my friend.  I knew that there had to be a story behind it…it just had that significant “feel” to it.  And I had a feeling it was going to leave an impact on me.

I ran a few runs before asking my friend for the back story while I waited for the T-shirt to be made.  I was already forming my own conceptions about what it might mean and was not disappointed in what I learned.

This is what my friend told me.

It’s a saying that now goes [back three] 3 generations.  It started with my grandfather (my mom’s dad), but probably goes back much further.  Basically, if someone was watching him while he was working, he’d ask them, “are you seeing it well done?”  Mom taught it to me when I came to live her [eight] years ago and I’d be watching her make dinner or something like that.  I didn’t understand what she meant at first, but I eventually caught on.

Mom would say it to the cat a lot, too.  The cat was always watching everything she did.  I guess what it means to me is that now it’s her turn to rest and watch someone else do the work…And hopefully, it’s being well done.

This saying is especially important to me, because neither of my two brothers were ever taught it.  Only me and the cat.  I learned a lot of things over the last [eight] 8 years.  She told me things she had never told anyone else before.  And I feel very privileged to have been trusted with so many of her personal thoughts and fears.

I could visualize those scenes.  The way his grandfather might be bent over a task, glance sideways at his captive audience, and maybe raise an eyebrow as he asked that question.

I could see his mom, puttering about the kitchen, my friend sitting at the kitchen table, and her, smiling indulgently as she moved a pot or pan about, and asking that question with an little sparkle in her eye.

These are the moments that make us…that make us who we are.

My friend didn’t go into the details of the care he provided his mom in her last years.  But it’s clear to see that he was so very glad he got the chance to be in them.

“Are you seeing it well done?”

I am not proud to admit that after I graduated high school, I couldn’t wait to get away…to leave home.  My childhood had been filled with years and years’ worth of helping to care for my dad and my grandma, and I wanted nothing more than to shed that heavy burden and live a life free of perpetual worry and care.

But as life goes, it came back full circle, and I ended up caring for my dad once more.  And it, again, was not easy.  I had a toddler; I was working full-time; and then there was law school.

It was sometime during law school when I finally accepted, if not embraced, the role of caregiver.  Once I did that, acknowledged the reality of life, the cycle of life, and the responsibilities that life dictated for me, I was able to be much more at peace with it.  I guess you could say that my heart finally settled in the right place. 

And I’m grateful for all the time I was able to spend with my dad in his last years, and the talks we had, and the laughs we shared, and the love we were able to give one another.  But never in a million years would I have guessed I would become a caregiver for my husband such a short time after my dad passed.

I don’t know that I could rightly explain what that kind of caregiving is like.  Stated simply, it is hard.  Perhaps the only way to understand, is to see it in action – the fear, the exhaustion, the sorrow, the care, the agony, and the physical toll it takes on a person’s body and soul.  But even when it’s not pretty, as long as you know you would do it again in a heartbeat…as long as you know that your love settled your heart in the right place…there is no doubt that you are seeing it done well.

I have a feeling that those last years my friend spent with his mom, she was watching him…and seeing it well done.

I think the legacy she leaves behind can be interpreted in a couple of ways.  It is simultaneously an active AND a passive state of being.

I hope that when people watch me, that they are seeing it well done…because I am SEEING [to it that] it [is] well done.  If we would all only be mindful of that ideal in all that we do…the world could be an immensely better place.

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I was selected to represent ALS TDI at the TCS New York City Marathon 2020 on November 1st. Due to COVID-19, the marathon has been cancelled. I have made the decision to keep training and to run the marathon on my own, here in Maine. If you would like to support my efforts to help #EndALS, you can donate here, or if you’d like me to run with a custom message, you can donate here.