I woke up on May 26^th to the news that a black man, named George Floyd, died in police custody while being held down by a knee to the neck for over eight minutes…while handcuffed, subdued, and pleading for his life…

I scrolled through my Facebook feed, seeing post after post from People of Color who are friends and acquaintances, giving voice to their anger, their despair, and something new that I picked up on…hopelessness.  I scrolled and I scrolled until each new post seemed an echo of the last, “I’m tired…I’m so tired…It’s never going to change…How many of our people have to die…I’m so tired…” and I felt the heaviness of their hearts.  And I woke up.

Prior to George Floyd’s death, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken up or spoken out regarding anything to do with race relations, rights, or racism.  Even as my doubts regarding our system grew, I continued to hesitate, telling myself I didn’t know enough; I didn’t have the details; I can’t speak with authority; what good would one white woman’s opinion/statement make on a condition that she doesn’t suffer from…perhaps there was also an underlying fear that any show of support would be taken as ingenuine, just a smoke screen attempt to assuage the prickling of guilt that comes from enjoying what it means to have white privilege.  So, I justified remaining silent and kept to myself.

As white people, when we hear a news story that another black man has died at the hands of police, our thought processes are conditioned to automatically default to the typical systemic rationalizations:  we don’t have all the information; he shouldn’t have struggled; he should have cooperated; he should have known better than to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; he must have been behaving in a suspicious manner.  We want to believe in the integrity of our officers of the law.  We want to think that the fault lies with the victim, because to believe otherwise, means admitting, and acknowledging, that there is something fundamentally wrong with our justice system.  And if that’s the case…then something fundamental needs to change.  And that is why white people don’t want to accept that there’s a problem.  Why change the status quo when what’s going on doesn’t have a direct effect on us, personally?

We want to think that what happened to George Floyd (along with all the other profile cases) is just an isolated incident, that it is just something being sensationalized by the media and blown out of proportion.  I know I’ve been guilty of thinking that same thing…until I woke up to “I’m so tired…”  I knew when I read that, what it meant. 

It’s the kind of tired that stems from seeing the people around you continue to die, at an alarming rate, from a disease that has no cure, no matter how long and how hard you’ve been fighting to find one.  It’s the kind of tired that brings you to your knees and rips the heart right out of your chest because all you want is a fighting chance.

I may not know what it’s like to be black in America, but I know what it’s like to feel like you are fighting death…and you keep on losing.  My husband suffered and died from Lou Gehrig’s Disease, an incurable and untreatable motor neuron disease.  After he died, I immersed myself in that community to keep working to find a cure.  Rarely does a day go by that I don’t see news of someone’s death.  It’s a hard thing to see on a daily basis. 

About a year and a half ago, I woke up to the news that yet another person that I had known, had succumbed to the disease.  That news always brings a stab of sorrow, and usually, that sorrow is followed by a flash of anger with a renewed resolve to keep fighting to find a cure to help others.  But that time…that was the first time I felt a sense of resignation…along with a crushing sense of futility…and I was tired…  my spirit was so overwhelmingly tired.

I heard a multitude of voices crying out in exhaustion on May 26th when I woke up and opened my eyes.  And I knew.  Systemic racism is not as prevalent as it’s made out to be…it’s more pervasive than I will probably ever really know or realize.

I woke up on May 28^th to the news that a protest in Minneapolis had turned violent.  Buildings were destroyed, burned, and looted.  I scrolled through my Facebook feed and saw news story after news story; politics quickly rising to the surface; people taking sides, getting angry, getting ugly.

I began to scrutinize everything I saw regarding the death of George Floyd, from the aspect of social awareness and I saw SO MANY attempts to deny or marginalize the issue, and I winced in shame, recognizing how many times in the past I had at least thought along the same lines, if not voiced them, as well.

Doubt

We doubt the validity that systemic racism is at work in our society.  We would rather believe that the brutal treatment of People of Color is confined to an isolated incident here and there rather than a pervasive nature of our culture.  But on what information are we basing our conclusions?  Only those news stories and statistics that reflect death while in police custody?  How many times have you heard, or even said, “I know a lot of black people and none of them have ever had a problem with the police…” 

The first thing you might ask yourself, is how big is your circle of diversity?  How big is the ‘control group’ on which you base that conclusion?  You might also ask yourself, is it possible that many, many things have happened to the black people you ‘know’ that they’ve never shared with you? 

I am only, just now, starting to understand that many black people I know might say, “I’ve never had a problem with the police…but only because I always have my guard up and go out of my way to avoid contact…” 

I wonder now…if how I feel when I pass a cop speeding, hoping he/she doesn’t come after me, even though I know I’m actually IN the wrong, is how the majority of People of Color feel on a normal everyday basis, just living their normal everyday lives, not breaking the law…anytime they come within the vicinity of a cop…

Redirection

Nothing makes a person feel unseen, undervalued, and uncounted, as when their issue gets brushed aside and replaced with a better, bigger, or more “important” issue.  Whether it is abortion, right to try, right to die, all lives…it shouldn’t be a competition.  By doing this, we are effectively telling the black community that their issue is not legitimate, that their concern is not important enough to merit attention, or focus, or discussion.  By raising a separate issue, you create a red herring, meant to mislead and redirect attention towards a new topic and away from the topic at hand.

• #AllLivesMatter – yes, yes they do.  But not ALL lives are suffering from the issue at hand – which is systemic racism.  Focusing on THIS issue, in THIS moment, in THIS time, does not negate the value of any other life.  If you deflect the attention away from this matter, you are effectively saying that all lives matter EXCEPT black lives.  By giving this matter the attention it needs, you are showing that all lives do indeed matter, and right now, these lives, in particular, need our love and attention.
• #BlueLivesMatter –  yes, yes they do.  And BECAUSE they matter SO very much, we need to respect them by working to eradicate racism so systemic, it is used innately by white America as strategic weaponry in race relations.  (Follow this link to see Trevor Noah deconstruct how Amy Cooper deliberately used race to leverage her position in a call to 911.

Poisoning the Well/Discrediting the Source

 Digging for dirt must be a pre-requisite for anyone running for public office…which means there are a LOT of people out there who might be throwing their hat in the ring in the near future.  Finding a piece of information that sullies even one iota of a person’s presumed innocence serves as ammunition to defend one’s position.  Or likewise, proving that ONE occurrence is a series of incidents is false, is used to discredit the entire argument at issue.  And many times, it doesn’t matter if it’s actual fact or just something we heard from our sister’s husband’s third cousin twice removed…

Diversion

This is when the issue gets smothered under the umbrella of ‘politics.’  Mostly, neither party hesitates to capitalize on events as they unfold and use them as fodder to fuel their specific agendas.  They exploit the situation to best leverage their party’s platform (along with help from the media) until the focus is essentially diverted from a visceral human experience into a strategy to retain or garner power.  The real issue at hand gets buried as it’s weaponized to suit the purposes of politicians.  This is where so many of us opt out.  We let our frustration and disillusionment with political parties derail our attention from the actual issue.

But this isn’t a political issue.  This is a human RIGHTS issue. 

Think back to the Revolutionary War.  Think about ALL the reasons our country declared its independence from Great Britain.  Read the Declaration of Independence –

 “The preamble to the Declaration of Independence contains the entire theory of American government in a single, inspiring passage:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,—That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.…the ideal—“that all men are created equal”—came to take on a life of its own and is now considered the most perfect embodiment of the American creed.”

– Why did Jefferson draft the Declaration of Independence?
April 13, 2015 by Jeffrey Rosen and David Rubenstein

Did you read what it says? Did you really READ it? Read it again…and go slow.

Nullification of Hypothetical Support by Delayed Response

I came across several conversations that reflected this particular modus operandi.  This is when we wait for a reason to withhold support from a group so, in retrospect, we can say we were in agreement… “until.”  Doing this allows us to give the illusion that we are “on somebody’s side”, when in reality, did we ever really give our support in the first place?  Or did we jump at the chance to justify the withholding of our support? 

Hypothetical ‘supporters’ were jumping ship left and right after the first night of protesting when that Target got looted.  Did you find yourself saying, “What does that solve?  How will this ever help anything?  How is this supposed to help? What does this have to do with the death of George Floyd?”

The Protest Committee

Hi there!  What’s your position on this committee?  President?  Secretary?  Parliamentarian?  No?  You don’t know?  Where’s the Handbook?  What do you mean, there’s not one?  How do we know how to protest if there’s no handbook?! 

The Protest Committee assumes it has imaginary authority on the right and wrong way to protest.  Honestly, I have NO idea on which it bases its ideals.  Our society has romanticized the idea of protesting as peaceful marches evocative of solidarity and iconic speeches that inspire a nation.  I think most of us abhor the idea of violence.  I think most of us think violence is NOT the answer.  But sometimes, it takes some form of destruction to make us sit up and pay attention. Even Jesus turned over some tables to make a point. And in doing so, he expressed his ire against a system that was being instituted to exploit the disadvantaged. (Commentary.)

Does the Boston Tea Party ring a bell?  Most of us probably remember “No taxation without representation.”  Let’s recap:

“When the tea ship Dartmouth,^[a] arrived in the Boston Harbor in late November, Whig leader Samuel Adams called for a mass meeting to be held at Faneuil Hall on November 29, 1773.” Thousands of people arrived…” 

The people passed a resolution to send the ship back without paying the duty, the Governor refused to let the ships leave and then on December 16^th, this happens:

“While Samuel Adams tried to reassert control of the meeting, people poured out of the Old South Meeting House to prepare to take action. In some cases, this involved donning what may have been elaborately prepared Mohawk costumes.^[65] While disguising their individual faces was imperative, because of the illegality of their protest, dressing as Mohawk warriors was a specific and symbolic choice. It showed that the Sons of Liberty identified with America, over their official status as subjects of Great Britain.^[66]

That evening, a group of 30 to 130 men, some dressed in the Mohawk warrior disguises, boarded the three vessels and, over the course of three hours, dumped all 342 chests of tea into the water…Another tea ship intended for Boston, the William, had run aground at Cape Cod in December 1773, and its tea was taxed and sold to private parties. In March 1774, the Sons of Liberty received information that this tea was being held in a warehouse in Boston, entered the warehouse and destroyed all they could find. Some of it had already been sold to Davison, Newman and Co. and was being held in their shop. On March 7, Sons of Liberty once again dressed as Mohawks, broke into the shop, and dumped the last remaining tea into the harbor…

Whether or not Samuel Adams helped plan the Boston Tea Party is disputed, but he immediately worked to publicize and defend it.^[73] He argued that the Tea Party was not the act of a lawless mob, but was instead a principled protest and the only remaining option the people had to defend their constitutional rights…

A number of colonists were inspired by the Boston Tea Party to carry out similar acts, such as the burning of Peggy Stewart. The Boston Tea Party eventually proved to be one of the many reactions that led to the American Revolutionary War…

– https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Tea_Party

In his December 17, 1773 entry in his diary, John Adams wrote:

Last Night 3 Cargoes of Bohea Tea were emptied into the Sea. This Morning a Man of War sails. This is the most magnificent Movement of all. There is a Dignity, a Majesty, a Sublimity, in this last Effort of the Patriots, that I greatly admire. The People should never rise, without doing something to be remembered—something notable And striking. This Destruction of the Tea is so bold, so daring, so firm, intrepid and inflexible, and it must have so important Consequences, and so lasting, that I cant but consider it as an Epocha in History.” 

– https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Tea_Party

Can you imagine what King George III was thinking when he heard that the colonists were dumping tea overboard and refusing to pay taxes?  I’m relatively certain it would have been the 1700s version of wtf?  Followed by “Whoest doth these colonists think they are?!  How dare they lay siege to the property of the crown!  Send a regiment to extinguish their ire and send a kindly message that thou dost not messeth with thy King!”

All kidding aside, take a moment and think about that mantra – “No taxation without representation.”

People of Color are citizens of this country…TAX paying citizens.  They are supposed to have the exact same unalienable rights… “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness” just like you and me.  They are speaking out, they are protesting, they are uprising because these rights are STILL being denied to them.  We want to think that’s not true…that these are isolated incidents, that the majority of POCs are afforded the same privileges as we are, their white counterparts…but we know that’s not true because of exercises like this –

“A white woman, race educator Jane Elliot says to an auditorium full of people “I want every white person in this room who would be happy to be treated as this society, in general, treats our citizens – our black citizens – if you, as a white person, would be happy to receive the same treatment that our black citizens do in this society, please stand.” Unsurprisingly, no one moves. She pauses. “You didn’t understand the directions. If you white folks want to be treated the way blacks are, in this society, stand.” More marked silence and lack of movement. She continues, “Nobody’s standing here. That says very plainly that you know what’s happening. You know you don’t want it for you. I want to know why you’re so willing to accept it or to allow it to happen for others.”

– Jess Davidson, White Silence Is Not An Option

Take a moment and imagine yourself a Person of Color.  And think about how fearful you are of the police…how reticent you are about approaching an officer, relying on one for help, and even how, in most cases, you are the “usual” suspect. 

Now take a second and think about this – you, yourself, are PAYING for that experience.  Your very own hard-earned dollars are paying the salaries of the very reason you feel you–

Can’t go jogging (#AmaudArbery).
Can’t relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothamJean and #AtatianaJefferson).
Can’t ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).
Can’t have a cellphone (#StephonClark).
Can’t leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).
Can’t play loud music (#JordanDavis).
Can’t sell CD’s (#AltonSterling).
Can’t sleep (#AiyanaJones)
Can’t walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).
Can’t play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).
Can’t go to church (#Charleston9).
Can’t walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).
Can’t hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).
Can’t party on New Years (#OscarGrant).
Can’t get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).
Can’t lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).
Can’t break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).
Can’t shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .
Can’t have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).
Can’t read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).
Can’t be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).
Can’t decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).
Can’t ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).
Can’t cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).
Can’t take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).
Can’t run (#WalterScott).
Can’t breathe (#EricGarner).
Can’t live (#FreddieGray).
Can’t ask someone to put a leash on their dog when it is required in the public park we are in #ChristianCooper).
CAN’T BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED. #GeorgeFloyd) 

I have privilege as a white person because I can do all of these things without thinking twice:

Wouldn’t that give you a different perspective to “No taxation without representation?”  Is it not just as relevant today as it was in 1773?

And if it IS, isn’t protesting just as relevant?

I know there is censure across the board against the destruction of property and I have always been of the mindset – protest peacefully, violence and destruction will only cause more harm than it does good; or distort the message; or discredit the movement, etc… 

But take a look back in history.  Who among us doesn’t feel some sense of pride and entitlement when we hear the story of the Boston Tea Party?  It was a symbolic act of defiance, and I’ve never heard a single person ever say we didn’t have the right to destroy that property or we shouldn’t have done it.  In fact, there’s more of a sense that we were justified in taking that action because what we were protesting for compensated for any criminal act taken in furthering that action.

Do I think that deviant opportunists are exploiting organized protests to their advantage?  Yes.  Yes, I do.

Do I think that those opportunists consist of people of ALL color?  Yes.  Yes, I do.

Do I think some of these opportunists are exploiting it for their personal gain?  Again, yes.

Do I think some of these opportunists are infiltrating protests to distort and disrupt a movement toward equality?  Hell, yes.

Do I think that there are legitimate protestors who unintentionally get swept up into the destruction fueled by years of anger and grief?  Yes.

Do I think there are legitimate protestors who intentionally wreak destruction to give tangible evidence of the extent of their anger and grief?  Yes.

In response to the dumped tea, Adams writes, “The People should never rise, without doing something to be remembered—something notable And striking.” 

The dumping of the tea offered a convenient and fitting symbol of the protest of that time, a direct connection to the purpose behind the protest – “No taxation without representation.”  How interesting to look back on that event in history and realize that protest was motivated by what we perceived as an infringement on our economic rights as tied to government…and yet, we’re proud of that moment in history.

Tell me, what type of act today would metaphorically symbolize the “no taxation without representation” of 1776 when the infringed right is the right to live in peace, without fear of the police?

The morning after the first night of violent protests in Minneapolis, the focus was on a Target store that had been vandalized and then looted in its entirety.  It lit up social media like a wildfire.  So much outrage about the destruction…so much head shaking, memes about ‘What’d Target ever do to you…,’ and murmurs about the message being lost.

But, really…was it? 

In an article published on AdWeek, Monica Marie Zorrilla shares some insight on the history this particular store had in this particular neighborhood and why the attack on it may have been more calculated, even if only subconsciously, rather than just a random act of violence.

I can’t help but think what fortuitous coincidence resulted in harming the one place whose name actually carries with it, the weight of symbolism  – Target.

What better metaphor to highlight the systemic racism that targets People of Color in our country than destroying that which embodies the very word?

Getting “Woke”

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to “wake up.”  Maybe, I just went about my life focused in on my own struggles, dealing with my own issues and didn’t have anything left over.  I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair -shit happens, bad things happen to good people, people get injured, parents get divorced, people get sick, people die…  but my unfair circumstances have always been due to the accidental twists of fate – not circumstances imposed on me by outside forces…forces that can be changed.

“Woke” is a relatively new term in urban culture. Essentially, it’s a term initally used in reference to becoming aware of racial issues that impact the black community. More recently, it’s being used as a call to action.

Most frequently, I hear the term “woke” used in two tones.  One is the tone of pride…when people refer to themselves as woke; the other is a tone of derision…when directed toward a person they think needs to “get” woke.  I wonder, instead, can we use it to encourage?

I think it’s an apt metaphor, especially in terms of application as it pertains to all members of our society.  People wake up differently.

For example, you have

• The suddenly awake who have a 6^th sense something’s wrong before anything even happens.  They are instantly alert, sniffing the air, looking for signs.
• The person who knows they NEED to wake up, but they don’t want to.  They have to list all the reasons they have NOT to wake up, then make a list of all the reasons they NEED to wake up, before they actually have enough reasons to convince themselves to take the affirmative step to get out of bed.
• The roll over and go back to sleep & who never really woke up in the first place.  This person may require several alarms, several back up systems, before they ever get up…IF they ever get up.  They may sleep for days.
• The one who gets woken up unceremoniously and rudely and who starts fighting back before they are conscious enough to realize what’s going on. 
• The one who needs a minute to collect their thoughts before they get up methodically and with purpose to take care of business.
• The one who is shoved awake and jumps up ready to defend everyone in sight, they just need to be pointed in the right direction.
• The one who will get up, who is listening, but can’t function until they have more time to process things, drink some coffee, and get their thoughts in order.

Being mindful of how a person wakes up may seem a trivial matter to some, but it can mean a world of difference to the person doing the ‘waking.’  When I was in bootcamp, if you pulled night duty, it was your job to wake up your shipmates at various times during the early morning for various duties.  This meant you relied on someone to help you wake up. 

Knowing how to wake someone up properly and effectively made all the difference.  It might mean you avoided getting punched in the face, prevented someone from rolling off a bunk and hurting themselves, prevented someone from being late to their duty.  We worked better as a unit, and developed gratitude, trust, and reliance through communicating about our individual differences, needs, and peculiarities.  We were stronger for it.

Waking someone up isn’t as simple as it seems it should be.  And everyone is different.  Everyone wakes up in their own way, in their own speed, and in different manners.  It’s not easy to be patient with someone when it falls to you to get them up and going.  But patience fosters respect, and respect fosters loyalty and a loyal soldier is worth more than gold.

I’m awake.