This weekend marked a Race for Research event for ALS TDI. Had COVID-19 not derailed all social functions, this would have been a 5K run in Cambridge amongst many of my ALS TDI friends and researchers.
But alas, it IS the time of the ‘Rona, and we had to redefine our present particulars.
I started running this winter, in large part, to keep up with my training for the Tri-State Trek, a 270-mile bike ride to end ALS. You see, we moved to Maine last summer and our “training” season is much shorter than what I had available in Texas…so I opted to start running and joined the YMCA.
That turned into something…else.
Andrea Lytle Peet is a #badassninja warrior who is determined to be the first person with ALS to complete a marathon in ALL 50 states. A documentary is in progress about her story. It’s called Go On, Be Brave.
What started as a Half Marathon show of support, turned into a “Why don’t we do the NYC Marathon this year!???” (Andrea can be VERY persuasive…)
But, honestly, with COVID, I don’t see that happening.
My Half Marathon in Maine (May) has already been cancelled.
I watch New York’s governor, Cuomo (pretty religiously, because I feel that NYC is the epicenter of this insane virus and I also think Cuomo’s been amazing in his handling of the situation) (NOT because he’s a super-hot, mob-type personality that stirs the senses…not THAT, at all…)
But I cannot imagine that the New York City Marathon will be able to take place this year come November 1st.
And that’s okay. It is completely understandable that a world-wide pandemic will have long-reaching residual effects making it difficult to plan ahead or approach life with some semblance of normalcy.
It is what it is…
But what I do know, is this –
I know myself.
I know that in times gone by, when I’ve challenged myself to do something extreme and a wrench got thrown into the works…that it has NOT happened…
I’ve signed up for a marathon before. I’ve signed up for TWO Tough Mudders…and never participated in any of them due to “circumstances.”
Right after I signed up to do my first marathon (mid-30’s), my dad started going through some personal issues that required me to care for him each weekend for almost two years while working full-time. So that marathon did NOT happen. I was extremely overweight at the time and working on a ‘run five minutes, walk one’ training regimen. I only ever got up to eight miles.
I signed up for a Tough Mudder right before I turned 40. And then my dad died…and my body revolted. It said, you are OLD, and UNHEALTHY, and this is not happening…and it didn’t.
I signed up for another after Charlie died. By that time, I WAS healthier, but I was also, otherwise obligated, working full-time, and it was just too much to do and not enough time…
I absolutely HATE not finishing what I start. It makes me feel like a failure.
That has been a theme throughout much of my life. Not ALWAYS due to my own devices…but yet…it still affects my mentality.
So, I KNOW myself.
And I KNOW…if I don’t complete a half and FULL marathon this year…it may NEVER happen.
I don’t like running. I really don’t.
I like riding a bike. And I haven’t been doing enough of that lately…
But I started this shit (sorry church families) and I’d like to finish it.
So, I’ve implemented “#SeeKatieRun2EndALS”.
I only ever started running to train and/or raise money for research for ALS.
So now…I will run for money.
I will continue running until I can finish a full marathon in one swoop, if you will donate to my efforts.
Your donation will mean that I will run a certain amount of miles displaying a message of your choice on my back. I will post pictures of me running with your message on Instagram, Facebook, and I will write a blog post about each experience to publish on my blog, NewNormALS/z, category: #SeeKatieRun2EndALS.
As long as it isn’t unkind, or gets me run over, shot, fired, or killed in any sense of the word…I will wear whatever it is you want me to say.
I plan to do this until November 1st of 2020. The day of the 50th NYC Marathon.
Since I don’t like to run, I need ALL the help I can get!
Today I ran with my “Brand” T-shirt.
The front says “#SeeKatieRun.”
The back says, “I run for money.”
But today was hard.
I have been struggling with my “quarantine” routine and structure this past month.
I haven’t been doing my “exercises.” I haven’t been stretching like I ought.
And today told on me.
It told me – “You is old, you is decrepit, you is not equipped…”
And then it made me stretch and walk most of the 2nd half home.
I was supposed to RUN 8.5 miles today.
I ran about 5…before I had to start to compensate for my lack of conditioning (during these last few weeks of quarantine…).
And this is the most demoralizing aspect –
I have NO EXCUSE.
Truly, I don’t.
I thought about that today as I struggled.
And I was ashamed.
I was ashamed because…I knew I didn’t have a leg to stand on for my excuses.
My excuses are for shit.
There is absolutely no reason I can’t do the exercises that would mean I run without injury.
None.
My reasons are laziness…lack of focus…lack of discipline during a tumultuous time of uncertainty.
It’s amazing how quickly complacency can set in.
When I was running today, I was thinking of Chad Raab (one of Charlie’s closest ALS friends whom I’d just been informed had succumbed to the disease) and Charlie…I couldn’t help but compare my “miseries” with theirs.
For whatever reason (menopause or allergies), I have dry eyes. My eyes and nose leak fluid almost continuously upon leaving the house and with no apparent reason or recourse. I use nose spray, take an allergy med, use eyedrops…but nothing seems to work. I run and wipe and sniff and wipe and end up just letting it all run down my face. (I imagine the people who see me running wonder why I’m making myself run if it constantly brings me to tears.)
I thought about Charlie, and how he couldn’t control the liquid leaking from his mouth as his ALS progressed. And how it was an issue that made him uncomfortable and how it made him want to hide from life for a time until the desire to keep living life won out. And I thought, you can deal with leaky eyes.
I felt my muscles tightening…not wanting to work like they should…not responding with the suppleness I thought they should feel…
And…I thought of Chad and Charlie…and how much they missed that function…in every aspect of life. I remembered how Charlie lost his physical abilities little by little, irreparable stages, each loss its own little death, gone forever.
And I thought, with some anguish, ‘How could you???’
I continued to push my body, to try and make the muscles work…because I KNEW that whatever I was feeling…I was still MOVING…and that was more than they had had for so many years.
But at a certain point, I had to permit my body to fail…to admit it was not capable…TODAY. Knowing I will be able to try again and hope for a better, more successful, run on another day (God willing) in my future.
But that day will only come if I commit to making it SO.
If I DECIDE, not to let circumstances get the better of me…because I HAVE that choice.
I, at least, have THAT choice in THIS matter.
Not everyone does.
Some because of COVID (physical or circumstantial constraints)…but many others because…well, because of life…
The Maiden Voyage of #SeeKatieRun was one of splendid irony.
Because Katie had to walk.
Katie spent almost the last half of her run walking.
I imagine the smiles sent my way by passersby (from acceptable social distancing intervals) were because they recognized that irony and were raising a metaphorical eyebrow and, indeed, thinking to themselves…I don’t know about run, but right now…I’m seeing Katie WALK…(snicker, snicker).
I may need a week (or two) to recalibrate and get my body situated correctly once more, but I am ready to #SeeKatieRun2EndALS. (Follow this link to purchase a message!)
I will run for you, so that I can run with Andrea.
I will run for you just as I run for Charlie, for Chad, for David, for Matt, for Osiel, for Patty, for Vince…for everyone who can’t run for themselves.
What message would you send the world from the back of my shirt? I encourage you to be creative, be funny, be kind, be inspiring, poke friendly fun at some of your closest friends…(start a message war with them!)
If the fascinated glee I detected in my sister’s voice is any indication, I’m pretty sure she’s recognized an opportunity for payback for all the years I spent pestering her growing up.
So, don’t be surprised if my first blog post is about running through our local park wearing a t-shirt that proclaims, for all the world to see – “I just farted.”
And yes, it is official, I am registered to run the streets of New York. But no matter if world circumstances dictate otherwise, wherever I am, I will run…regardless.
“Your body will argue that there is no justifiable reason to continue.
Your only recourse is to call on your spirit, which fortunately functions independently of logic.”
– Tim Noakes
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